Saturday, August 30, 2008

Afternoon Naps = Awake at 1:30am

So after hanging with Coolleen this afternoon, I came home and took a two hour nap. Now, I am wide awake. Napping is awesome but sometimes leaves me in this state of awakeness. Or rather I'm awake because last night I was up until 3am.

Why do I do this to myself. Ohhh,...that's right, I'm still being self destructive. Oh well, at least I am honest with myself. But I feel like a freakin' college student. But it was a fun night.

Best thing about the broken finger is that I get to point my finger at everything. It's a great conversation starter. Or maybe I just feel like having an excuse to point at others and blame them. Worst thing about the broken finger is that it has taken like 10 minutes to write this little bit. Maybe I will get better at writing sans right index finger and become faster and faster.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Jumping Jacks = Broken Finger

Apparently, when I try to alter my exercise routine by doing a workout from SELF magazine, what do I do?? I break my finger. That's right, I broke my finger doing jumping jacks.
Okay so following the routine, I first jogged on my treadmill for 10 minutes, then I was to skip rope for 30 seconds, which I kind of did. I don't have a rope, but I jumped up and down like I was jumping rope.
So, my dog, Syd thought we were playing or something as I "fake skipped rope". She was like next to me and almost jumping on me. So I backed up a bit. Of course, when it came time to do the jumping jacks part of the exercise routine, I brought my arms up and legs out, but...BAMMMM. I hit my right hand, more precisely my right index finger on the hanging-from-the-ceiling, Tiffany-like lamp. Ouch!!
Like a trooper, I finished the exercise course, which was to repeat the same set. I even then did some ab exercises and weights. But dammit, my finger hurt. I did manage to ice it and took some Tylenol. Only the next morning, this morning, more swelling and bruising. SEE PIC. Only I could have hurt myself doing jumping jacks!
Well, its taken like 10 minutes to type's hard to type with the brace on my index finger.
Example Typing: qiuyydyuyyyyyyyyyuijghjkgdh

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Oh Please!!!!!! (First Blog with Balls)

I had to send a message to the wasband to request info for my secret clearance package at work. They needed to know things like, my step-son's name, my mother-in-law and father-in-law's address, nationality status, etc. Let's stop first and think how strange it is that after I have been married to him for almost 4 years, I do not know this information.

Anyhow, I thought I would ask him this info straight up since I know that he knows what secret clearance's are and the like. He has one, for God's sake. Well, he just wrote back this cryptic message that he would not release any information to me and that he would only give info to the DoD, unless he was sure that the release of the info would not be subject to foreign collection.


Like he has any assets that I could take anyhow. Besides, I am a freakin lawyer,...if I wanted to find out this info to take some kind of property that I was entitled, than I could find out. If I couldn't find out myself through free public record, then someone who I paid to investigate could find out this freakin info. What a complete dildo head!

I mean PLEASE!!

Old or Young again

Since the wasband became the wasband, I have felt as if my life has changed in many ways. One such way is the need for spending excess time in those smoke-filled, bar stooled, drinking houses, watching everyone else getting hit on but you. Luckily this weekend, I got to experience such an experience for myself.

How exciting it is "getting" to be single again! I like the idea of getting to restart my life and find new things to do and meeting new people, but the whole, Bar/Dating scene, leaves something to be desired. All those reading this blog who have been recently married, or have "happy" marriages are all saying a "thank goodness I'm not there" under your breath. I know....I was you only a year or so ago.

But here I am, what do you do? As I wrote in one of my blogs last week, attempting to increase my self esteem is one of my main, Top Five, goals. I only hope that by increasing the self esteem, the thought of spending more weekends out among my fellow singles won't feel so daunting. This past weekend, after feeling incredibly fat, which reeked havoc on the self esteem (count them...two of my goals) and made me not want to be there the instant that I arrived.

So, again, what do you do....I played along because it was a very good friend's birthday, and I decided to drink myself happy. What do you know.....blueberry stoli vodka and diet coke, is the best drink ever!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sick Days

I called out of work this morning. I hate having to explain why I can't come in. But most importantly I hate doing just about anything but sleeping, bathing or movie watching on those days I am too ill to go to work. I am not sure that I want to even write this blog, but there....I have written something. Now back to bed I think. Good Night. I hope to feel better tomorrow.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Power Boost

Can one really have too much caffeine? I know technically/physically you can, and it can be harmful for you, but doesn't the feeling of being highly motivated, although slightly shaky, just feel totally (toadly) incredible?

Truthfully,...last night I didn't get enough sleep at all because I kept thinking about the fact that I had to get up early to get the bagels for our Friday bagel club. That is the most incredibly dumb reason to not be able to sleep, but nonetheless, it is the truth.

So, hear I am with three Starbucks coffees under my belt and one diet soda. Its a bit difficult to concentrate at work now at 2:30, as you can imagine. At least I get to leave work early today. Yeah!! I love it when they shut down the servers and kick us out! It's like a snow day or something.

Only 6 more hours until Dark Knight in IMAX!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Ready, Set, GOAL!!!

So when you are faced with re-thinking about your life, a common practice to help in moving on is to come up with new goals. When I was married, I had certain goals that obviously don't apply, now that I am single. So, I have been thinking a lot about my new goals, or at least my new goals for right now.

#1 This is my most important, "right now" goal - lose weight and get in shape. If you read yesterday's blog, then you have a clear picture of what started me down my path on unhealthiness. Try, not being able to walk very well or far for several months. But that was awhile ago now, and I have to suck it up and press forward. No more complaining! This means changing my physical activity level as well as eating pattern. We will see how this goes, but it is for now my #1 Goal.

#2 Go back to school - I love school. The pressure of studying for a test, the gobs of reading, the new people you make and be-friend. I didn't realize how much I loved it, until after I'd been out for awhile, but I guess, you never really know how much you miss something until it's gone. (Ha!)

#3 Pay off credit cards - Pretty much self explanatory goal. I know how I got into the CC mess and I know how to get out. Seriously though, I am not a crazy impulse buyer or anything, but you try visiting your family, while having to fly two of you all the way across the country. Holidays, summers, and weddings were VERY expensive and have caused my bills to pile.

#4 Save Money - like most women coming out of a divorce, I will be left in a worse position than I was while married. But, on the up side, I am in a better financial and mental health position than I was before I was married. Regardless, I am thankful, that I will not be left in that bad of a position. It could have been tons and tons worse.

#5 Learn to like myself - I have always had a problem with this one. I think that though, with Goals #1 & #2, along the way, I will improve on this goal.

Hmmmmm....I think five goals is a pretty good start for someone trying to reflect on their life. I guess I will keep a running tab. Odds are the goals will change anyhow. We'll see

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Long Stories...that make me feel lucky

Earlier today, I was speaking with someone about how I used to love the weather in San Diego. I always used to joke about how that was the one and only thing I liked there. While that is not entirely true, it was one of the best things about living there. The awesome weather allowed me to walk outside nearly every day and I even joined a half marathon training program to prepare for a 16 some odd mile hike. However, as I've told this story many wish to complete the long race ended one morning with a swollen leg.

On an early Tuesday morning, I woke up with awful awful pain in my left leg. I thought maybe I had pulled a muscle or something. I had after all been training for the half marathon and had done a 5k (with the puppy) the week before. I decided to drag myself out of bed and head to the bathroom for a bath. When I got to the bathroom by crawling across the floor, and turned on the bright lights, I made it to the toilet just in time to puke. The leg was causing even more pain because I had made an attempt to move.

I thought at this point about starting the bath and continuing to heal the pain via the hot bath, but then I looked down and began examining my leg. My leg was swollen and purple looking. It reminded me of the crocodile hunter getting bitten by some kind of freakish bug, out in the bush, that caused massive discoloration and swelling. I had after all, been walking the trails throughout San Diego with my dog in preparation for my race. So, of course, I called my friend in med school, because that is what I do when I have any health, science, or medical-like issue.

All right, so I called my friend at like 7am, feeling a bit guilty about the early wake-up call, but I thought my leg was going to fall off, or an alien was going to be born out my knee. At this point, I was nearly hyperventilating because the pain was excruciating. I told her what the leg looked like and was ready to text her a pic, but fortunately, she had an idea of what was wrong. This I tell you is a direct quote, well as best as I can remember,..."Well, you know how you have been smoking and taking the birth control pill. The combo of those two things can cause blood clots, which it sounds like that is what it could be. But I don 't really know. That kind of thing is more clinical, which we don't cover until next year." Her next piece of advice, speaking from someone who has known me for over 10 years, was, "Don't wait, Janet. This is not something you wait for. Go to the doctor NOW. If you can't drive, call the ambulance."

Without any hope for a ride, with me in no position at all to drive, having puked a couple more times, I decided to make that call to 9-1-1. When you are younger and you first learn about the magical 911 number, you think how cool it would be to call. Many children actually call 911 after learning it just to see the police or cool fireman come to their house. However, when you are faced with actually having to call, and for yourself, because you are stuck at home alone, there is nothing to accurately explain how weird and uncomfortable it is.

So, I made the call, still hyperventilating after my friend's scary advice, explained that I think that I have a blood clot in my leg and that I needed an ambulance. They asked me my age, my address and quickly got off the phone. I thought this was odd, because on TV and such, they stay on the phone until the ambulance comes. I guess the operator did not want to hear my heavy, crazed breathing. Anyway, after I hung up and realized that I would have to get the door open and have someone come over to let the dog out, I decided to call my apartment neighbors who had recently had a baby. Of course I did not want to rely on them to shuffle me to the hospital because of the new baby and all, but I thought that the neighbor could help me with the dog and maybe help me get myself together and some socks on before the ambulance came.

She came over, despite the early hour, in like two seconds. I guess she heard the desperation in my voice. She helped me get into some clothes and get some socks on and not soon after we heard the ambulance down the street. The paramedics came in and started asking me lots of questions, and of course took off the socks I had put on to look at my foot and leg. They asked if I had been injured recently, or if I feared for my safety at home,like i dozen times. I had to say no.

They of course took me in their ambulance to the Naval Hospital in SD. Not a bad facility, but nothing like Bethesda Naval. On the way I was given morphine and later Valium. I was of course starting to feel nothing but fog. However, when I got to the hospital, there were more questions. This time, they still asked the "safety at home" question, but also asked the typical military treatment facility question of, "how would you describe your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest?" I told the nurse, that I had not had a baby, so I would not say 10, but that I would go with a 9.

After the check in and more questions, which are considerably difficult to answer while heavily intoxicated. I was taken to get an ultrasound of the leg. Barely awake on the hospital, wheelie bed, the tech began using the machine and its cool jelly to examine my left leg. I somehow heard through the drug induced fog, "How old are you?" The tech said it again, and I answered. She left the room and got the doctor that reads the ultrasound (whatever they are called). But next thing I remember I was being checked into the hospital room.

Now, with a three doctor team, they asked more questions about whether I was sedentary, whether I had been on long plane trips, or on long car rides. The answer was, of course, No, I was training for a marathon, no and no. Well, it turned out that I had a massive deep vein thrombosis clot in my upper left thigh. The clot began about 5 inches above my knee and stretched to the top of my thigh, almost in the groin area. Apparently, having such a condition, where the individual is not sedentary, and without the long car or plane trips, is pretty rare, even with the birth control pills and smoking combo. After a barrage of blood tests they found the culprit.

It turns out that I have a genetic blood disorder/mutation called Factor Five Leiden. Apparently 20% of Caucasian persons in the world have one allele or are heterozygous factor five. I on the other hand have two alleles, from each parent or, I am homozygous factor five. Less than 1% of everyone in the world has the homozygous factor five mutation. I am apparently terribly lucky.

The truth of it all, the end of the story, is that I am actually very lucky. If I had not gone to the hospital in time I could have had other very bad complications. Often many people have a pulmonary embolism, where the clot breaks off and goes into the lungs. Or the clot could have broken off and gone to my heart or even my brain. I am very lucky that I received the fast advice of my unsure, but totally correct med school friend. Sometimes when I tell this story, as I often do, I forget how close I could have came to death. I am very lucky.

See link for more information in my favorite mutation condition that I like to pretend makes me like one of the Heroes from the TV show. I am supper clotting girl!:

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Bumper Sticker News Feeds

While looking for, and thinking about what to write about today, I thought about re-reading through more old posts of my favorite bloggist, Stephanie Klein. She, like me had to come out of a relationship and learn to be on her own after being with a, not-so-nice to her, spouse. Ms. Klein, in fact is the author that coined, my new favorite word, "wasband". The not quite divorced, definitely over, but only separated, former spouse. I love her word, as I am sure many have heard me use before.

Stephanie has an awesome knack for writing and letting all of the feelings just open up. I however, am not quite to that point. Of course that is the purpose of this whole blog experience, keep writing how I feel and get it all out there no matter what. I've found that if I make myself write every day, it will be the only way I will continue on. I am sure, in fact I am almost positive, that I read in her early blogs, that she also kept up with her writing by not missing a single day (except for vaca). I have to hope it will work for me and help me to heal.

I have been wondering when the right time would be to open up about what happened with my relationship with the wasband...but I don't know when. I had been waiting for the lease of the house that I am renting to expire. However, recently while I was on vacation, the wasband removed me from his list of friends on myspace. I guess this opens the door for me being able to write whatever I want without worrying about him not helping to pay the rent for the rented house I can't afford on my own. But I am still not sure I am at the point where the wasband healing should become my word vomit on this electronic page. Soon, I will have to face the blank page and begin telling my story to help me process the pain of losing the former dreams and ideas I thought would make up the rest of my life. I guess writing about beginning to write about it is better than nothing,...for now.

I have however been able to make one beginning or change, other than this blog, which outwardly shows my change in status. On the facebook today, I changed my status to single. Facebook, has this wondrous idea to broadcast users, daily use of their product and when you change your status, it announces to all your friends that you are now single. They even add a little broken heart icon, right before the "news feed". Of course the new announcement shined brightly for everyone to see when I changed my status. A single friend of mine, also with a wasband, congratulated me and said that I should feel liberated, while another old high-school friend wrote to ask what was going on. I am not sure how I feel about it. To add to the facebook, news feed frenzy, I also saw that my wasband had created his own new facebook page, which of course I am not invited to view, as I am not his facebook, or myspace, or real world friend.

Best thing about changing my profile however, was the new bumper sticker proudly sent to my facebook profile from Meghan. The bumper sticker app of facebook never lets me down.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Post Blues

What a typical blog to write, after coming back from vacation, but it's on my mind and easy to write about today. Of course, like everyone, coming back to work from an entire week away is almost as impossible as coming out of a bad relationship (will leave that thought for a later day...).

Today, every moment that I blink, I hope to be taken back to riding on my mean polka-dotted horse, heading down a muddy trail, or paddling down towards my vacation friends in my kayak (one of my new favorite things to keep trying). I think about all the things that I wish I would have done on vacation, and missed out on, like the view from the mountain. I think about what I might do different next time I go, and where I'll go, and even wonder who the next person that I will vacation with...

Worst thing about coming back from vacation is having to pretend like the entire event did not happen. You have to practically make believe that you weren't even gone from work at all. Well, except for the 300 emails in your work email box. Everyone at work looks at you to step right back up and continue with your projects as if you weren't still dreaming of the week before. Doesn't everyone know that at 2pm I take my afternoon siesta?

Like climbing back onto my horse, like off of a hard fall, I fall back into my seat in my cubicle, minus the fresh air, with my head reeling with thoughts of what's going to happen this week and that I hope I can get back on my diet. Most importantly, however I wonder when will the blues stop? Who knows....I may be blaming vacation blues on the million other things that I have streaming through my head and causing sadness. "Tomorrow will seem more normal", I tell myself.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

80's Music and Mocha Light Frapp

I have the worst vacationitis ever right now. Remember that feeling you had your last semester in high school after Spring Break, when you could hardly concentrate on anything productive? Well, that has been me for most of this week. With each day, my itis has gotten increasingly worse and worse.

When you live and work in DC and it begins to get very hot and humid out in August, Congress goes on their summer break and everything in DC slows down. Lots of things in DC depend on Congress. Not only do the actual congressional members leave to vacation, but so do many of their staff members. Outside of the Hill, many other organizations that depend on Congressional funding also slow down. Because I work at a government contractor that relies on the money bequeathed by Congress, my job is very very very slow in August. The vacationitis, coupled with the very boring days, has made work nearly unbearable. Thank god for my 80's Punk CD and Starbucks. They are the only things keeping me from falling asleep, aside from Meghan and I's chats. (My cube-mate, not Meghan, seriously fell asleep a little while ago.....Shhhh. Don't tell anyone).

So to bide my time, when we are not making a Starbucks run, I over utilize Google looking for new things to see and do while in Maine. Let's see, so far I have come up with, lots of places to eat, hike, boat, and ski. Well, obviously we will not be skiing, but the other things sound fun. I am so not dieting while on vacation....Isn't there a law against that, anyhow?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Lazy Myspace Blogging with the help of one of those quizzes

So I am being extremely lazy by taking the easy way out, but I figured answering one of those silly bulletin quiz/question things would at least get me writing and thinking. So, here goes.... This one is called 35 Secrets:

1) Who was your last text from? Luis

2) Where was your default pic taken? The Park

3) What’s your middle name? Suzanne. Why is this a secret by the way? Not that secretive, but revealing. - Don't you hate those people who are like...."I hate my middle name. It's so embarrassing." And then it turns out to be like, "Ashley" or something. Well, I like my middle name.

4) Your relationship status? Hmmmmmm. My profile on 'the Space says single, so I guess it's that.

5) Have you ever lost a close friend? Yes

6) What is your current mood? Lazy, but excited about my vaca

7) What's one of your best friend’s names? Myrna
8) What's you favorite color? Again, how is this secretive? Depends on my mood.
9) If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Wouldn't we all?

10) Have a crazy side? Who doesn't? Well, I guess maybe nuns don't and maybe psychiatrists.

11) Ever had a near death experience? Yup, Michelle almost killed me in the car and of course my DVT.

12) Something you do a lot? Compute

13) Angry at anyone? Tired of wasting time on anger, non productive.

14) What’s stopping you from going for the person you like? Don't like anyone. Am I suddenly, in 10th grade again? Oh, right....this is myspace.

15) When is the last time you cried? Recently, but can't remember the exact time.

16) Who would you do anything for? Molly
17) Do you like someone in your top friends? I like all of my TOP FRIENDS.
18) Are you funny? Not really

Okay this quiz, is really not secretive and is making me feel old. I will skip to the more interesting questions....if there are any.

Who do you trust most? Wanted to say myself, but will go with my Mom. If you met her, you would know that I am not even half-way stretching the truth.

Describe your life in one word? Evolving.

What are you thinking about right now? How long is this god forsaken questionnaire?

What should you be doing right now? Packing for the vaca or laundry, oh and probably should have come up with a better blog topic to be writing right now.

What is your favorite memory? Celebrating my passing of the Bar Exam on Halloween, dressed as a ladybug.

What are you listening to? The Simpsons on TV

Who is the last person you told I love you to? Myrna
Who was the last person who yelled at you? Michelle
Natural Hair Color? Who really knows anymore. Some shade of brown, I think.

Who was the last person to make you smile? Allison for giving me kudos for my last blog. Don't think I will get one with today's blog.

Well, at least I wrote something today, even though it was extra lame. I will try better tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Babies baby babies

Are you like me? Do you know at least 5 - 10 people that are pregnant right now? What is it? I think it may be the economy. People can't afford to ignore each other any longer and go out to their local watering hole or movies. They now resort to that old fashion entertainment. Can people please start using some birth control, I mean geez. Or perhaps, maybe everyone just is feeling the need to procreate, suddenly. I don't know, but this baby boom is crazy and draining my wallet. I can only buy so many boppys or boppis, whatever they are.

What are us single folks supposed to do in lieu of this continuous gift giving? I am like Carrie Bradshaw from SATC (I wish). I want to go register for as many awesome gifts that I can and throw myself a party with cake and games. If only society let that happen. Oh well, until then...I am going to have to celebrate while on vacation and force my vacation-ites to play silly parlor games during the 4 days of rain that is expected where we're going. Don't think I can talk them into gift giving though. I want to be invited on vacations again I think.

Okay, so you're right, I am jealous..... Green with a capital "G".