Monday, December 1, 2008

SAN DIEGO

I am too exhausted tonight to write much even though I did almost nothing when I got home. But tonight I decided to be thankful for getting to live in San Diego, California.


I mean you can't really be toadly unappreciative about living in a perfect climate paradise, that although mostly brown, allows you to enjoy short sleeves and nice light jackets all year long. In San Diego, you can go hiking almost any time of year, except for rattlesnake season. You can train for marathons all year long, go camping in the desert after a short hour drive east, you can see the sun set over the water, and can even run 5Ks with you puppy on Thanksgiving.


San Diego, was definitely an experience that I would have never had if I was not married to the wasband, and although I am very thankful to be back on the east coast, I am thankful that I got the experience of living in a place so different from where I grew up. If I had never been married to the wasband, I would have never experienced living in this south western paradise.


Please note for all those that notice how I describe San Diego as being mostly brown. Yes, the water is blue and you can see some green patches in this photo, but please also take note of the large brown, rocky hills and mountains in the background.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Freakin' Finally

So, I was supposed to be writing all through November about things that I am thankful for that I would not have had if I wasn't ever in a relationship/married to the wasband. However, my freakin' Verizon Internet was not working because the DSL lines in my new place was all crapped out.

Tonight instead of writing more, I plan to rest up for a long week of being thankful and writing about it. Meanwhile, I am exhausted from my quick weekend trip to Delaware with Myrna and the Myrna fam. Until tomorrow....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Sydney









So, Yes! The wasband finally came for the little boy and I have been without him for almost 5 days. Not to worry about the "transaction". We exchanged the good boy for my goods without having to see one another and all was done. I still miss my special little guy, but am VERY happy to still have my big girl, the spider killer, Sydney.


To share in my joy that is all, the furry, titled head, chewbacca noise making, tail wagging, tongue hanging out, licking, following you around everywhere, awesome hiker, protector, walking/racing buddy, sounding board, and all around women's bets-friend. I would have never had the joy that is Sydney without ever having the marriage to the wasband. Please enjoy these cute cute Sydney pics.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Darwin


As I have written before, at the end of this week, my beloved short, smaller, black & white bouncing dog will leave me to live with the wasband. I am obviously torn up by this inevitable parting, but have been preparing for his departure for a month.


Nevertheless, I am thankful for all the memories I had with my sweet little guy, even the bad ones involving torn ears and dog fights. I am thankful for your smiling happy face, when you bounce up and down when I come to the door, am thankful for your waggy tail that only relatively recently began wagging furiously in glee when people talk to you, and I am thankful for your perfect sits, while you wait for your love pets.


I am thankful for the short, but full memories of the time that I got to spend with you, and the fact that I saved you from that shelter in Cali. Having you in my life is something I never would have gotten had it not been for the marriage/relationship that I have had with the wasband and I am thankful for every moment and all the happiness that you caused. Marvin-Darwin, this is another blog for you, and perhaps, despite your small-ish size, your influence on me might even yield you one more. Your size doesn't accurately display your huge heart. Love you Marvin-Darwin.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

November Thankfulness....


So to help in my healing process, and in the spirit of Thanksgiving. I have decided to take this month to find some kind of iota of a piece of the failed marriage with wasband to be thankful for. As my triumphant finale, I plan to say goodbye to the relationship, as advised by my crazy doctor.



I am not feeling particularly, unhealthy about the fact that there is no relationship with the drunken buffoon but I am advised by those that are much more smarter than me about these things, that this kind of practice is a good idea. Therefore I oblige.



To begin, my first thing that I write about being thankful for, that I would not have had without the relationship with the wasband, is my friendship with my favorite Marine, Katie.



Katie and her boyfriend came out to visit me last weekend to celebrate Halloween and to visit the city. We have kept in touch over the past two years since I have left San Diego, but it was not until I had seen her this weekend, that I realized how much I loved hanging with her and appreciated her friendship.



Katie and I had many fun times together, watching football in San Diego and making fun of the Chargers' fans, chasing after Syd at Dog Beach, dancing and drinking of many a drink, but the thing that makes me appreciate Katie the most, is her support of me during one of those awful fights between wasband and I that Katie, fortunately or unfortunately witnessed.



Over the weekend, that was actually right before my clot, my friend Myrna came out to visit me in San Diego and knowing how much fun she and I would have adding another friend to the mix, we decided to also invite Katie to go out downtown with us to play. Upon planning our evening, we realized that the wasband was also planning on going downtown in San Diego that same evening to say good-bye to a fellow Marine that was getting out. Alas, the three of us headed to the city in my car, searching for a parking lot where we could leave my car overnight without it getting towed and take a cab home without draining our wallets. We found one and parked the car.



Katie, Myrna, and I had gobs of fun acting silly, dancing, eating Mexican food, and walking the Gaslamp District, while checking back in with the wasband at his "Hole in the Wall" bar, whilst he hung with the boys. Well, for some reason I accidentally ate some guacamole, which always makes me instantly get sick, with or without alcohol being added. The avocado and alcohol mixture in my gut proved too much and we decided that I should head home.



Katie, Myrna, and I explained the situation to wasband and suggested that he could stay and get a cab home separate from us, as we were not thinking we could drive ourselves. But wasband for some reason decided to come home with us and to drive himself. Myrna actually ended up riding back in another boy's car and Katie and I were alone in the car with wasband.



Wasband was drunk, not fall down drunk, but pretty f-ing drunk. Why on earth we did not take the cab, I will never know or understand. Wasband, Katie or my puking self were in no way in driving condition, but the cab was not taken.



The drunken wasband, as per his usual drunken behavior, became irate at Katie and I. This may have been for any of a number of reasons, like we were acting girly and silly, we couldn't figure out which way to take Katie home, because there were different ways to get there, and our all around intoxication. However, his blow-up turned into his screaming at me at the top of his lungs that he was not going to risk his USMC career by driving drunk anymore, pulling over on the free-way (the equivalent of I-395), leaving his sick wife on the side of the road, and him walking away.



Katie, sobered up real fast, tried to calm my crying and sobbing, and even did the honorable thing, by trying to get the retarded drunk person back into the car. Wasband screamed at Katie, called me a baby for crying and being upset, and would not get into the car. Katie drove me home.



Wasband never came home that night. He did however, make it back to the apartment as Katie informs, because she had to call over Chad to come get her. Of course, wasband came back to the apartment parking lot to get into his beloved Bronco and drive off, still likely legally intoxicated, despite his crazed outburst about not wanting to drive drunk and his earlier leaving me on the side of the free-way.



I will never forget Katie's support that night and quick action to get me out of the situation and home to be with my visiting friend. I will always be appreciative of her understanding and support. I further appreciate the other fun memories and future fun times we shall have. I am thankful that my relationship/marriage to the wasband gave me an awesome friend like Katie, my favorite Marine.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

HAPPY HALLOWEEN (eve)!


In honor of my new favorite show, True Blood on HBO, I am going to be an awesomely spooky vampire, sans fangs, for Halloween. I can't wait to sink my teeth into it, Ha! But seriously,....I have a million things to do before tomorrow, like try on my costume, make cupcakes for Megan's Birthday tomorrow, go to the store, clean house, walk dogs, feed dogs, finish laundry, take out trash.....you get the point.


But, of course with a day full of birthday cheer and a night like Halloween with your favorite Marine, pictures will be taken and more will be said. Just think about me tomorrow and hope that my boobs stay into the corset-like part of my costume and pray that I meet a "Bill".


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Two Weddings, Wrong Man


Lazy me! Okay not lazy, I just don't feel like delving into it, but nonetheless have a question for myself and others:

After divorce, what on earth do you do with your wedding photos/wedding album (YES, this is an actual pic from the wedding)?

These are my ideas:

1) Ask mom if she wants to keep any pics as "family" mementos? (She will probably tell me to do what I want)

2) Burn all the photos at an elaborate, good bye to marriage anniversary/clot-a-versary party on November 29th.

3) Ask Tina to give the pics to someone else who has a chrysler, in hopes that when their car catches on fire, that the pics will burn up, from an act of god.


Please, I need help....what do you do with these photos when you are happy to no longer be married to the likely adulterer, drunken verizonite (new word for wasband,....don't ask)? But on the other hand, you still do appreciate the day for what it was, and enjoy having the memories of celebrating a life event with all of your friends.


You see, 3 years ago today, the wasband and I were married the second time. The first time, we got married at the court house (Nov 29th), before he left for Iraq. We were so 1940's. I thought it was romantic and I guess it was, but it just goes to show all those currently fretting over wedding plans out there, that no matter how many times or ways you commit yourself to a person, no matter what kind of wedding you have, it never even matters. What really matters is who the person you marry really is. After the party, after the celebration, after the "honeymoon period", who is that person you married?


Seriously though...What do you do with you freakin' wedding photos? The one attached still has Jodie's hubby in it and several of my favorite marines.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Spreading the Wealth

A fellow blogger out there that I found posed an interesting question about those that do not want to "spread the wealth around in America." Not sure it completely had to deal with actual political ideal, e.g. socialism, but I thought that the question she posed was nonetheless interesting.

Apparently, the blogger must be one of our beloved food servers/waitress or a friend of a server, as many of us have been throughout our lives. From her question I believe she must have felt the economic pinch of not receiving a rightful "tip" for service. It still shocks me to this day that people do not understand that food servers only make $2.15 an hour, plus tips. Anyhow, the question posed was: if people are so against spreading the wealth throughout America (even though it has been shown to work in the past, i.e. Roosevelt's New Deal), why can't the food servers' tip amounts get melded into the cost of the food at a restaurant?

Not sure I completely agree with the suggestion, as I have had many bad food service experiences. Even my own experience of being a server has not made me think that this concept is entirely a good idea, as I enjoy paying my 15% for "bad" service and 20+% for "good" service.
On second thought,...other peoples' ideas of awarding good or bad service are not at the same levels of tip percentages, as I award.

For some, mediocre service can involve giving only a 5% tip. Perhaps, the melding of service cost into food cost at restaurants could be a good idea and could better yet, possibly help those whose skills excel in the food service industry or even help those who use food serving as a supplemental income.

What do you think?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Too Freakin Late


Lately I can't sleep and am exhausted at work. I keep laying up at night thinking about stressful work events and other things. Mostly, I am thinking about decorating my new apartment that I move into next month.

I am thrilled that I actually get to and plan on, decorating my new digs. I've chosen curtains, paint for the walls and some other wall decor. Now I just need that freakin dining room table and chairs. Ahhhhhhh!! Why am I so stressed out that I cannot sleep? This should be exciting, not stressful.

Hmmmmm, I think it may be the stress of losing a four legged friend. Marvin-Darwin gets to stay now through November 8th, but his and my inevitable separation is weighing heavily on my mind. Marvin-Darwin, this blogs for you. You will be missed.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Tale of Two Parties

I had the most fabulous time at my two bday parties that I went to over the weekend. I love this second to last weekend in October. Every year, since I've been back on the east side, I have gotten the privilege of attending two birthday parties for two of my favorite people, both with names beginning with M. Maryanna and Molly.

As fun as these two parties are, they both couldn't be more different than they are. One is a family like event event with little kids and families and the other is a big party with some family and kids, but mostly good food and more adult beverages. Living between these two friends and these two parties sometimes makes me feel all mixed up.

At one party, I am meant to join the Moms and Dads that I could have been with had my life gone differently. I am meant to sit on the floor make crafts, talk about my favorite color, barbies, princesses, playing house and having cake all over my face like my fellow three-feet-tall party patrons. While at the other party, I am meant to feel young and single, and told by some, to have one-night stands and F buddies.

I like having a large group of friends to hang out with and am very thankful for all the birthday fun. But I would also like to be able to attend both kinds of parties and enjoy myself thoroughly without being reminded of what I don't have or what I should have. Of course sometimes, its my thoughts and feelings causing me to miss what I don't have, and other times, its my friends and party patrons telling me what I should do or have.

Either way, things like going to parties, enjoying playing among my fellow party patrons, and laughing off silly remarks from those that for a fleeting moment somehow wish to be in alternative places from where they currently reside, ALL OF IT, shouldn't bother me. Or maybe just bother me a little.... But having friends with names that begin with M, and there awesome birthday parties, that I am thankful very for.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Seeing the Future


With Halloween coming up, I have been trying to decide what I should be for Halloween. This sparkly witch in this photo seems pretty cool, or maybe a gypsy or even a Vampire. I am thinking very strongly of going with Vampire. I always love a good bite!

But all the costume shopping and Halloween night dreaming has actually gotten me in tune with my own magical, Halloweeny skills and abilities. Did you ever realize that you could do something that you weren't entirely sure that you could do? Well, recently, last week I did find out that I could somewhat predict the future.

At work I had been known to have a particular ugly incident with SA that resulted in my resolve to use kindness. However, as I suspected from the encounter with SA at the meeting of the 4, which included at high level Program Management team member, my reputation and my work remained tarnished in this team member's eyes. I saw the future and knew that something would become of the fateful meeting of the 4. Last Friday I was removed from the program with SA and the PM team member.

Unlike my other colleagues, who mostly admit to making mistakes or forgetting to complete a responsibility during high, stressful work time, any slight imperfections that I performed were magnified by SA attempting to point out my flaws in front of those who make decisions. As I have explained, SA has also made particularly serious mistakes in her work. However, unlike with me, those who make decisions did not have SA's flubs highlighted for them.

Only my record was attacked, judged, carefully sifted through, put on display, combed through with a fine toothed comb, pointed to, spun, and written out for some to see. How did I know that this would happen? Well, when people act inappropriately, highly competitive, two-faced, and back stabbing, to make co-workers look bad in front of others, especially those who make decisions, I guess they sometimes get what they want...But as sure as I was that SA's actions would lead to my demise in the eyes of the PM's from this program, I am also sure that God, karma, pay-back, whatever you want to call it, will also return her ugliness with just desserts.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Bronco Burning Party, anyone?


In lieu of the wasband not agreeing to merely pay off half of our joint credit card that wasn't even opened until after we were married, I have decided to begin asking him for more of my equitable fair share.
I will resist the temptation to take half of his 401K plan, even though I am completely entitled because he did not begin one until after we were married. I will even resist the fact to argue for my portion of his pension. But dammit to hell he bought, fixed up, spent hours tinkering on, but yet complains about the Bronco's ability to make it up here to fetch Darwin.
I think I am going to have to ask for my portion of the Bronco's fair market value (10 bucks??), which he purchased whilst we were married. And in NC, one's name on a title does not forgo the spouse's right to share in property that was obtained during marriage. I am thinking I should either ask for half its value, as it is our shared asset, or request the Bronco in its entirety to off set my forgoing of my rightful entitlement to his 401K and pension. Bronco burning ceremony anyone?
Alright, I am just kidding. Just showing, even more of what a douche he is for not agreeing to split one of our joint debts, where I am actually entitled to instead ask for half of everything acquired during marriage. Douche, douche, douche
But I did like driving that minivan and it might have been because like the Bronco, I felt very high up while driving. Hmmmmmmm....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I'll give you Rational!! I think that it is time...


So it's been quite awhile since the wasband decided to come tell me he thought we should divorce. This news was of course not surprising to me at all considering all the back and forth and arguing that has gone on between us for sometime. What was considerably surprising was the reasons he gave.

Some of these reasons I cannot deny had merit. I was a depressive mess who never seemed happy or to care about anything while I lived in California. I was away from all my close friends, even though I made some great, new, really close friends.

While in Cali, I couldn't find work the first couple of months that I lived there, only adding to the depression funk. Bet you didn't know that in Cali you cannot work with a practicing attorney as a paralegal if you are a barred lawyer in another state. Jobs that I could get were not really at par with all that education that I had received and paid for.

The original thoughts of moving to North Carolina quickly faded, with the wasband's plans to possibly switch to the counter intelligence division. That then turned into the wasband's plan to possibly attend this illusive language school in Monterey and learn Arabic there. Moving to NC soon after marriage quickly turned into us living in Cali for over two years.

As you can imagine this lifestyle was not what I had signed up for. Sure I knew he'd be busy and I would have to make friends, that there would be deployments and separations, but not getting to begin my career and moving to a new city right after I was beginning to feel comfortable in the last one, just sucked. Numerous crappy fighting that will have to be broken down on future blogs happened in San Diego from time to time. But then came Monterey....

Moving to Monterey was no better for the career situation. I started temping and actually got to perform some legal prep work. Later I even got to work in the county courthouse as a paralegal in their legal self-help department which was rewarding. However, where the career situation slightly improved in the new city, the relationships, with the wasband, and with possible new friends only worsened.

In Monterey I had very few friends, and the only friends I made were work friends. In San Diego I met most of my close friends from being neighbors or through Tim's work colleagues who had wives. In Monterey all of Tim's friends in class were very single, not married, or women who were not interested in being friends. Because of the transient nature of Monterey, because most living there would only be there for school, neighbors rarely, if ever spoke or even waived in my direction. Life sucked there and my depression only deepened. This did not make me be a good supportive wife, I truly believe. But as I also believe, the depression was not entirely location related.

In Monterey we only grew more and more apart. The wasband became entrenched in his studies, as I knew he would. But studying also included drinking all night out at one of the bachelor's houses, blacking out from being so drunk, being as rude to me as possible whilst being drunk, ignoring me for the most part while sober or hung over, telling me that I should get some friends (because I didn't have tons back on the east side), getting mad at me for trying to join him on the "military party functions" because he did not want to be the only one there with a spouse (all the others were single), and screaming two feet from my face when ever we had an argument. Oh Wait....I forgot, being drunk in our mutual friends wedding (yes he was in the wedding and drunk) and grabbing the back of my scarf part of my dress and telling me that, "He could f-ing kill me" and that I shouldn't walk away from him.

I wanted so bad to be a good wife, future mother. I wanted to be supportive of him and his studies, making dinner every night, and keeping the house clean. But his weekend partying, his ignoring of me, our fights, his out-right meanness, my health issues and admittedly my depression, did not allow for awesome wife-ness to happen. Inevitably the marriage rapidly deteriorated, and despite both our intention to not completely give up on the marriage, we both decided it was best if I moved to the east coast, where I could begin my career and make more money, and he could concentrate more on studying, or more drinking, or find another significant other...whatever you want to believe.

We stayed in touch until the day in May, with every intention to continue our marriage. We talked of the future, he called me nearly everyday and told me he loved me. We still had fights, like on last Thanksgiving when he told me not to bother coming because I would inevitably piss him off. But oh he still loved me, blah blah blah. And yes thereafter, we still spoke over the phone nearly everyday and he still told me he loved me and we still spoke of the future together.
Well, in May he drove straight up from his new station in North Carolina (he finally got there, sans me) and told me that he did not want to be married anymore and gave me his reasons. It did not take me too long into the conversation to realize who of us was more rational and logical.

Part of the conversation went something like this:
Wasband - "I blame you for failing out of the Arabic class and you were not at all supportive."
Janet - "I admit that I could have been more supportive and was very depressed, but what specifically can you point to? Give me an example of something."
Wasband - "Well, when I asked you to help me study and I gave you the flashcards, you would just laugh at them and not even try to help me study."
Janet stares at wasband in disbelief.

ARABIC USES ANOTHER ALPHABET!!! It has squiggly lines and other characters (see above missing the prenunciation in english). How was I supposed to help him with flash cards when I can't read the Arabic writing on them?? And furthermore, since when is a spouse responsible for their spouse doing well in school? My mother received two Masters Degrees and never once asked my dad, or required him to provide her with learning or studying assistance. But she sure did keep up better with the cooking and cleaning. Gotta love those devoted 60's southern housewives.
Apparently, it would have been more rational for the wasband to have created a pre-nup requiring, every night cooking and cleaning, no illnesses, ignorance of alcoholism, the patience of a saint, and of course, a thorough grasp of the Arabic language.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Numbness


So I have been trying to arrange for the wasband to come and fetch one of the dogs. Like any divorce, we have to divide our possessions and that included the division of animals. Consequently, my heart has been breaking all month knowing that I would have to give up my Marvin-Darwin to the beast of a bastardy wasband.


Just today I received an email from him stating that he was not coming up here this weekend as he originally thought. My first thought, good, more time with Marvin-Darwin, second thought, hope he is not going to be completely ridiculous about finding a way to come get him and ubberly uncooperative, and third thought, OH MY GOSH, I move in a month and cannot take M-D with me, Wasband better get his butt up here beforehand or find a place for M-D in the meantime.


Of course, since the first read over of his message I have had many other thoughts, like puking, wishing I never married him, wishing I did not have to deal with ever conversing with him again, and hoping that the whole thing would just end. But to no avail, I must deal.


I also get to deal with the paranoia of his apparent attorney that has told him not to go into Virginia, where I might possibly serve him with paperwork for a divorce and create a jurisdictional issue. Although, as he actually correctly stated, "I am making him deal with this".


That sounds bad. I will deal with the big D from the wasband, despite my wish that, like him, I want it to all just disappear. I will not lay passively aside while he "takes me to the cleaners". I am merely making him go through the motions of filing for the divorce, where as I plan to be on the defensive and attack the divorce paperwork.


But here's the problem......I am numb. Not sure why. I am not shocked that this stuff is coming to a head, I am not shocked that Mr. Likely Adulterer is pushing through to get the divorce or separation finalized,....I am not sure why I am numb. That is why I write.


Maybe tomorrow, after an attempt of a night's sleep, I will feel less numb. However, I did manage to let the genius of a wasband know that coming here to meet and exchange animals for belongings on Friday, October 31st, Halloween was probably a bad idea since I will be likely performing Halloweeny duties with the 'Kins, or pre-celebrating Meghan's BDay, and because IT'S HALLOWEEN!!! And I also suggested that I could possibly send him M-D with the special pet shipping company that we used to ship the dogs from CA to VA. We shall see his response......Oh wait, he will probably have to go over it first with his attorney. I guess it pays to be an attorney yourself, or rather I don't have to pay "to go over legal issues dealing with a divorce". No, I write my friends and this blog to get out what the next step should be. ARGHHHHH!!! Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Terrapins vs Hokies. Who would win, the turtle or the turkey?


Last weekend I went to my 1st VA Tech football game and I found the Hokie culture fascinating, however it profoundly reminded me of the MD Terrapin Basketball culture with its many cultural traditions. In this blog, I attempt to compare the two.
VA TECH FOOTBALL v MD TERRAPIN BASKETBALL
Prior to the start of a MD Basketball game, Coach Gary Williams the seasoned b-ball coach, pumps his fist at the crowd, to indicate that its going to be an awesome game and that the crowd should also be pumped. Unfortunately, we got into the VA Tech game late and I am not sure if there are any similar things at a VA Tech football game, but the VA Tech cadets do march across the campus to the football field and that is certainly, most likely a "fist pumping" site.
Upon the entrance of the VA Tech Hokie football players, the Hokie student and alumni sections know to jump up and down. As with the MD Basketball players' entrance the students mimic the same bobble-headed behavior. The students, mostly and some alumni (including old and young) the MD fans also jump up and down.
MD fans, this time almost exclusively the students, have an additional player entrance traditional behavior. However, this tradition has to deal with the opposing teams player entrance. As described in the MD traditional folklore sites I visited for a precise description, "Maryland students pretend to read the school newspaper when the opposing team is introduced. As if that is enough to show their antipathy for the visiting team, they tack-on a "sucks" to the end of every opposing player's name when it is announced. (e.g. Joe Smith (students: "Sucks!")) ". VA Tech football fans and students alike, although not interested in the other team's entrance on the field, they do not have to deal with the individual reading of the starting line-up and do not of course have any response.
Both the VA Tech Hokies Football fans and the MD Terrapin basketball fans practice similar acts to try and distract the opposing team that attempts to make a free throw in b-ball or field goal in football. However, the MD basketball fans, again consisting mostly of students have an action they perform when the Terrapins are attempting free throw. Again as Wikapedia describes, "When the Terrapins are shooting free throws, students hold their arms over their heads. If the shot is made, thy will drop them to their side while uttering 'whoomp.'"
I am unsure if VA Tech football has begun any national college football traditions, but the MD Terrapins have the distinction of founding Midnight Madness. This Madness event, was started by MD head coach Lefty Driesell in 1970. Formerly, Midnight Madness was a student event held at the earliest time the men's basketball team could start regular season practice - at midnight on the first day of NCAA sanctioned basketball practice start date. According to my good friend Wikapedia, "Recently, Maryland and some other schools have moved the start of Midnight Madness to earlier in the day - generally around 7 o'clock - with permission of the NCAA, of course."
Therefore, in the argument between the two, I have to give MD their props. As fun as that Hokie football game was (and boy will I cheer for them when the Hokies play VA), MD traditions must win out in the fan war between the two sports. The MD Terrapins re responsible for a tradition followed by schools all over the country. As far as I know, the Hokies to not have similar founding sports phenomenon.
You know that I am, however, bias. I graduated from UMD and will always find their traditions in higher regard. Even though the Princeton Review has no articles measuring or comparing sports fans traditions, I can tell you that the Princeton Review has said in their 2008 College Review magazine, that Maryland was ranked "#1 in its annual "Students Pack the Stadiums" ranking of student athletic support.[1]". So at least the MD Terrapin students' athletic support out ranks VA Tech. Ummm....but that has, on occasion translated into burning couches in the middle of Route 1. Oh well, how else do you celebrate when you beat Duke, like VA Univ? Nobody likes Duke.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

GUINNESS IS GOOD FOR YOU & ME


My girl Shell went on a fun fun trip recently and brought back some fun gifts. Knowing my love for Guinness, she decided to get me some flip-flops with the Guinness logo emblazoned on the flip-flop straps. Of course they were men's flip-flops and she had to guess my shoe size. She was off an inch or two, oh well.
So apparently the flip-flop makers think that Guinness is only a men's beverage. I say NOOOO to this nonsense. Guinness, being first a beer, does lend it more to the male persuasion, however, how can anyone not see its benefits?
Its taste, its smoothness, its thickness but nutty flavor, its hints of chocolaty taste, its low calorie content, its goodness for you (see sign above), and yes, its health benefits. Bet you didn't know that Guinness was once given to nursing and pregnant mothers in the hospital due to its high iron content. Also, it is still given to some blood donors and stomach and intestinal post-operative patients, in Ireland and formally, in England. Basically Guinness ROCKS!
But seriously, I love the taste of Guinness so much that I would even drink it if it were non-alcoholic. Although, I would probably not get to experience the "aphrodisiac" benefits without the alcohol. Nonetheless, I am a female drinker and lover god's gift to beer, my Guinness.
For more info on my favorite beverage see this site and lovely Q&A.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

My Firsts


First Made Up Face

First Snow

First VA Tech Game

So my favorite bloggist Stephanie Klein is running a photo contest for firsts. The prize is a super glitzy baby gift bag thing, which I can't completely use, but if you've read my first blog, I know many many folks with child and would have no difficulty giving the baby stuff away.

Anyhow, having no children myself, I decided to use some other recent firsts. Here are the photos that I used to enter the contest.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Blogging for Janet's Sake

So last week I experienced a particular hellish work event and then decided to blog about it. Like any, story that describes how exactly a misunderstanding or fight occurs, the description can be long, unending, word vomit, as I like to call it.

The long story that was filled with confusing this and thats, was not a blog to create entertainment. I blogged about the incident in order to get the yucky, nauseous, feelings in my mind about the interaction out. I don't blog to make those that know SA think that she is evil, I don't blog to make me look better than SA, I don't blog to bore any readers with a long drown out event, I don't blog to promote any agenda, I blog for me. I don't blog for blog's sake, I blog for Janet's sake.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Back to the Backstabbing



Well, this funny cartoon is really not completely accurate but as close as I could get to the actual situation....

Last week, I had a similar cartoon and forewarning that I was unsure if I wanted to write about a recent work incident with a back stabbing, two-faced, work colleague. If you cannot yet tell, I am still feeling a bit burnt, but a lot less sad and beat up then I was at the conclusion of work yesterday.

So my work turmoil all began in a meeting of four women, involved in the monitoring of a program and its subcontracts. Of the 4, including myself, are an assistant program manager, my supervisor, and a program control/financial analyst person. Concocting all of the necessary spells and potions that make the program and its subcontracts work and behave as they are supposed to, takes the four of us as a team. But one of the 4 in this coven were not acting of the same coven. (sorry I am feeling Halloweeny)

My program control/financial analyst who I will call SA has what I like to call, a "know-it-all" personality. She knows it all of course, but also likes to point it out when you may or may not know all, and of course likes to point out any mistakes that you may have made. Well, in our meeting of the 4, SA brings out a list of modifications that she claims that I have failed to update in my special database. She hands this list to me at our meeting of the 4 in front of my boss and the asst. PM. This may not sound as evil as it is, except for the fact that the meeting had to deal with re-checking the funding levels of the program that we work for, which has little to do with updating of the database. Furthermore, updating of this particular database is my responsibility and is actually one of the many points that my boss uses to make a decision regarding my raise and review. So basically, SA brought out an attention grabbing list of things she claims that I failed to do, directly in front of two other higher level people, without first checking with me about whether it was a simple mistake or some other reason.

Well, it turned out that some of the records that she claimed I failed to update, were in fact neglectful mistakes on my part, which my own boss also admits having similar cases of forgetfulness. However, some of the records she claimed I had failed to update were not at all my own failing. The records could not be updated because the signed documents were not yet received, or I had combined some of the records and she was off by the numbering, or there had not yet existed the time in one record to have a need to update because the record was so new. Basically, she did a half ass job of collecting information to bring me down, with half assed ammo.

Yesterday, everything came to head. I went to discuss something else with SA and actually complemented her work. She asked me to update her whenever I combined records, and I said I would, but that she could also just check the database, because that is why it is there. She of course then brought up my failure to make the updates. I asked if she had seen my follow-up post back stabbing meeting where I had written to the other 3 explaining how the lack of updating that she caught me in, was for some part, incorrect. She said she hadn't gotten to look over that email yet and then began to look over it with me right then.

More claims were thrown that I had not processed this and that and that I did not do this right. I went back to my desk and re-checked my files and brought back some evidence. I pointed out that I had forgotten to update the funding value in the particular record we were looking at and that I did however, add all the necessary information in the record that would get the answer anyone would need to proceed with any other work.

I have no problem admitting when I forget to do something by the way. This job has lots of holes, were one may begin typing and entering data and then the phone rings and you forget your place and what you were doing last and then Guess What.....the things do not get updated completely. I however, have further checks. Before I begin a new subcontract modification, I go back to the database and make sure all the info was updated correctly from the last modification. But, at this point yesterday, as well as the meeting last week, that internal check I perform had not occurred because no new subcontract mods had been issued. I guess, that may defeat the point in my asking her to check the database for information, because it may still be in that in-between time of where I began entering, but my final check had not been performed at the time she may be viewing it. But Hey! Even now I admit that my logic of asking her to review the database may have been faulted, but I do admit it.

Back to the part that makes SA truly two-faced and back stabbing, but more two-faced, at this point. I need to start by saying that I have thought SA was my friend, and although we have had some issues, I thought she would still act like somewhat of a friend, even when flustered. Boy was I wrong...

So, when I came back to her with the evidence that I had to show her that her claims of my wrongdoing were wrong themselves, as well as other misconceptions that she had, SA told me to go away and collect my thoughts and that she was not going to talk to me like this.

I admit, I may have been cocky when I brought back the evidence to show her, but as a friend described it in a similar situation with her, I was merely responding to her "know-it-all"ness and her arrogantness with a similar level. My voice was not raised. Nevertheless, I do feel guilty reacting in a similar way to a person at work.

After SA told me to go away and collect my thoughts, I stood behind her about 5 feet, trying to do just that...collect my thoughts. She then said, "Janet, you can stand there all day. I am not going to talk to you." I said, in as calmly a voice as I could, that I was collecting myself and calming down. You see, her reaction to me when I came to bring some sort of evidence to show that she was wrong, was the same reaction of the wasband and as I stood there, after being told to go collect myself, that is when I started to loose it even more, because I had felt threatened by her finding my faults, but I did not feel unwound. Having SA say to me to go collect myself made me want to scream or cry.

I thought to myself, as I stood there gripping the chair tightly, that this was silly and that I knew we'd have to continue working together. I pulled up a chair right next to SA and began to say that I wanted to explain myself and about why I might be feeling hurt by her attempting to call out my mistakes. I was going to explain how I thought the incident last week where she brought out a list of database entries that she thought I had failed to update. I was even going to point out how I had caught several of her mistakes that I had not brought to either her or her boss's attention. I wanted to tell SA that I just went ahead and fixed her blunders instead of making a big show of them because I realized that maybe she had just made a simple mistake. HOWEVER, before I could begin to let this emotional word vomit out, SA cut me off and said, "I told you I don't want to talk to you about this now." I responded by saying that I just wanted to say something that she would not need to respond, but just to listen. This was followed by an utterly hurtful comment that my boss described as unprofessional and just plain mean. SA said, "She did not want to even listen to me right now and that I should just go away." So, I did......

After talking over this situation with many a friend, my mom, my brother and my supervisor, I have decided to do what my friend did in a similar circumstance. Kill her with kindness. Not sarcastic kindness, but the kindness that is genuinely in my nature. My boss, however also decided to point out to SA one of the mistakes that I had recently pushed aside and corrected myself. My boss thought it necessary to do this not just to make a point that even, "know-it-alls" make mistakes too, but also because the mistake SA made was an auditable issue that looked as if we may have de-obligated funding under the same request because two companies were mistakenly listened on the same PR by SA.

My boss also asked me if I wanted to rearrange who I worked with so as to avoid SA. But I told her that I was going to stick to the killing with kindness. In fact, it was my job to bring in the bagels for our Bagel Friday and I made sure to bring an entire bag of SA's favorite. And no, I did not add any secret ingredients to them.....

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Home is.....


So I rented an apartment today. Not that crazy of a thing. This is the 4th apartment that I have lived in since leaving my parents home, but it got me thinking about what home is.

I am sure that you have heard the speech the late George Carlin gives about "stuff" and that home is just a place where you store all your stuff, but I guess I have some romanticized vision of what home is and what home should be. I guess, I haven't really felt like I have had a "home" since college and after I left the nest.

Yes, I have been married, I lived with my wasband in a place that we kind of decorated and picked out all the pieces, furniture, and other lifely things one gets for the place that they store their stuff and where they come home to. But we never had a home. And before the marriage as I lived on my own in one of my various apartments, it was never a place that I could consider a home. So, what is it? What makes a home a home?

Family? Does that make it? Although, my biological family has, for the most part, all moved away from this area, with the exception of my brother, I feel as though many of my friends are in a way my family. Just this past weekend I somehow arranged 10 of my close friends to come out and celebrate my birthday and my turning older, and I remember feeling happy, loved, and melded into something, that created a whole, even if just for awhile. Was that my home? My friends?

I don't know, maybe the concept of home just shifts from a place where you become part of a whole with your family, into a place where you store your stuff so that you can go out and have "home" with your new "family". I guess I have to start planning more get-togethers now that I have discovered something that feels like my "home". Ohhh, and maybe I can re-rent that mini-van!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Just to let you know...Air is NOT FREE


My weekend experience started off as one of "those" weekends, the moment I turned out of the parking garage onto Crystal Drive. Two people walking down the street starting waiving and yelling out, "Hey!" frantically in my direction. My first thought,....oh great I pulled into a motorcade or at the least left some papers, file, or beverage on the roof of my car. I was not however so lucky.

I rolled down my window to question the attention grabbers and they yelled, "You have a flat tire". Don't know about you, but I have had many a flat tire, and I am very much aware of the swoosh, glob, swoosh sound that it makes as you attempt to drive. I didn't have a flat tire. However, flash rewind, to when my very kind neighbor mowed the lawn at my house the other day. I do believe he said that I should put air in one of my tires. DAMMIT!!

So, I began anxiously searching down the streets of Crystal City for air. Towards Pentagon City, near the 395 exit and between all the garden and high rise apartments. NO GAS STATIONS!!! NO AIR!!! Arghhh!!

Finally, I gave up, not hearing that glob, swoosh sound, I knew the tire was not flat yet....

I made it all the way down to Edsall Road, my exit towards home off of 395. Luckily there are a choice of three different gas stations to choose from, right when you get off the exit ramp. I pulled into the first one and up to the the pump marked, "AIR".

By golly, that thing said it cost $.75 to put air in your tires and my first thought was that that must be just this gas station. How can air cost money? Air is free...We breath air! But as I pulled into each of the other two stations, sure enough...they were also $.75. What is going on here?

Well, fearing that I had already gambled with the slightly deflated, although NOT FLAT, swoosh, glob glob tire and my life enough, I went into the gas station convenience store and withdrew some cash (yup, of course I had none) and bought a diet pepsi so that I could coax the gas attendant to give me $.75 in quarters because, what should be FREE AIR must only be paid for in quarters...

As it was, I got my $.75 air while taking out my $2.50 cash from the ATM, and buying my $1.15 diet pepsi, to get my quarters. What an expensive ride home. At least I did not have to take the toll road or add any other expenses to my god forsaken commute.

But seriously, why does it cost to buy air? Although, in the late 80's, early 90's they said the same about bottled water.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I am so bad....













Too drained to write a meaningful blog while I am still recovering from all the birthday fun. But I do believe that I have some good topics coming up to write about. Soon....maybe tomorrow.





Thursday, September 25, 2008

Can't.....


Can't talk...the Office is almost on. But I have a good complainy, whiney story about work that I cannot decide if I should write about or not. But think about how awesome it is to work with two faced, back stabbing people while I am gone. Here is a perfect cartoon to demonstrate the topic!


Watching Earl and then the Office. Later.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Warm Nights Full of Terror


What is it about cold nights, smothered in my red flannel blanket (making it a warmer night for me) and the watching of scary movies that goes together? Who knows....But here I am in my chair, red wine in hand, engulfed in the red warm, flannelly blanket and my feet entrenched in the warm fuzzy slippers and a horror movie is all I care to watch.

Maybe being cozy-ed up to watch something that seems spooky is reminiscent of something else warm and comfortable to me, when in the past I cozy-ed up with someone else while watching such similar scary movies. Oh well....at least I have spider killer, Syd.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Mine Kills Spiders. What does yours do?



So I hate spiders. Who doesn't? But luckily I have my trusty German Shepherd. Last night I saw a particularly menacing looking spider climb up the wall to the left of the television. I felt like I was in a horror movie or something. It seemed huge!! I said first softly, then louder and loudly "Sydney,..Sydney, SYDNEY!!" She came over sniffed me to make sure I was breathing, I guess, where I began frantically pointing at the wall.

Syd looked at the moving black spot, smelled my fear, and knew her next move. She leaped up about half a foot and in one quick slurp, the spider was gone. I gave her a million pets and good girls. She proudly ran after her bone and wagged her whole bottom in glee as I covered her in kisses and thankful rubs. My dog kills spiders for me. What can yours do?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I am Janet, you are an a$$!

So this morning I fell asleep on the couch after watching the beginning of the Sean Penn movie, I am Sam. When I woke up after a short cat nap, I began watching the movie towards the end. Although the movie does have some sad parts, it ends all on the up and up. It is actually one of those heart felt, tear-jerkers that ends in total bliss and happiness as the dad, Sean Penn is seen running all over a soccer field excited, with his daughter (creepy Dakota Fanning, but when she was still cute) in his arms.

Alright, I am a sucker. I really like this movie. It has a trial in it, a sassy female lawyer, children, and one of my favorite legal principals, "the best interest of the child" doctrine. All of my favorite elements.

So as I am sitting there watching and remembering how much I liked this movie, I began to think, why I haven't seen it lately? I think I even own this movie. Then I realized something....the wasband used to say to me, "that the movie is too sad and a downer. Why would I want to watch that?" Suddenly I had an epiphany about him and this movie.

Okay, so an epihany about movie watching is pretty stupid but regardless, it gave me some insite into his f-ed up brain. You know, I truly believe that he did not like watching this movie, not because of the sad moments, or even its kitchy dorkiness,..He did not like this movie because it reminded him of his own child that he never sees.

The entire point of the movie, I Am Sam, is to show how a a parent's love prevails and that it is an extremely strong bond. Well, the wasband in his infinite wisdom had decided previously to our being married, that he would no longer attempt to see his own son. You see his son, lives with his ex-wife, his high-school sweetheart and her family, and she seems to want to keep it that way. The wasband always said that he came from a broken home and did not want to put his son through the same fighting between parents that he had endured. But how can someone not want to fight for their son? Why...because he is an a$$!!

I am not a parent, but I can only imagine the connection one would have with a child that is their own flesh and blood. That child is a part of him. I should have known back then when we were talking and he told me about his lack of connection with his own flesh in blood, that I would certainly have no shot at any kind of connection with him. I cannot begin to understand or know his other reasons behind this, other than the fact that yes,...he is an ass!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Rat Killer is Awesome, so I take it every day!

So a while back I explained my experience having my DVT clot, and my Heroes mutated condition, homozygous factor five leiden, that makes me "super clotting girl." Although most pain from the clot subsided after 7-8 months, the main difference in my life was my new friend,...the rat killer, coumadin.

After doctors discover that anyone has a clot, the nice doctors make you take blood thinners. Beginning blood therapy is the desired first round of treatment for a DVT clot, despite any genetic disorders one may have. The blood thinners will hopefully slowly break down the clot until it all but dissolves. I say hopefully because some clots get worse before breaking down and must be injected with a special protein that rapidly breaks down a clot. Unfortunately there are only 5 -7 of these special proteins that rapidly break down blood clots. Therefore, beginning on blood therapy first, is the desirable approach, barring any emergencies. So, like with most, my doctors began my treatment to break down the clot with the blood thinners.

To begin the blood thinning therapy, first you inject yourself into your stomach with heparin. You may have heard of heparin as the medication that has recently been on the news because of its accidental overdosing of infants in the hospital. Dennis Quade's twins were given to much heparin after their birth and almost died. Heparin, itself sounds dangerous enough, but after the heparin, comes the coumadin.

But wait, after they begin you on the injectible medication and the coumadin, they also torture you by taking your blood, first every other day, then every two days, then twice a week, and finally once a month. I don't know if you know this, but taking blood thinners (which, heparin and coumadin both are) you tend to bruise, very easily. So having your arms, hands, wrists, etc. stuck with a needle to draw your blood for a test leaves your arms looking lovely. The blood test that is necessary to measure what I like to call my blood's consistency, is called PT/INR.

As I said, like others with a DVT clot, blood thinning therapy is the way to go. However, after the doctors realize that you have my factor five leiden mutation disorder, they decide that you get to take coumadin FOREVER, da, da daaaaa. That's right rat thinner and monthly blood tests are my way of life. Plus side, I am over my fear of needles. The initial injections I gave myself and the blood tests make me hardly even flinch whenever I see a needle. Negative, taking rat poison has, as one may think, lots of side effects.

Side effects page from the pharmacy is seriously two pages. They include things like, bruising, dry mouth, excessive sweating, chills, blood shot eyes, hemorrhage, and that I eating Vitamin K enriched foods will cause the medicine to work less effectively. Vitamin K enriched foods include all dark green vegetables, like broccoli, spinach, kale, green beans, lettuce, etc. You try dieting, while being sure to limit your lettuce intake.

Not only is my vegetable intake affected, but as you can imagine, taking blood thinner also affects your alcohol intake. However, with this new drug and its interactions and blood tests, also comes with a special doctor, the hematologist. Luckily, my awesome hematologist showed me that I can do lots of things on my rat killer, like balance my Vitamin K greens to the medicine; meaning that I must maintain a weekly steady amount of greens every week and allow the medicine to adjust to my intake. Like with the greens, I balance the intake of alcohol over the week and have the medicine adjust to this intake. What is hilarious is that I have to drink alcohol consistently if I am going to drink at all. It has to be a balanced amount. My friends find it hilarious that I have to drink alcohol consistently with the medicine so not to mess up my PT level. I just find it fabulous.

In this vain, I have learned to balance the rat killer with the amount of alcohol that I have. More greens make the blood more thick, if I drink more alcohol. I would definitely not recommend this kind of balancing act, but it has been working for me. My PT/INR tests have been very steady and luckily I have made it through almost 2 years straight of taking the rat killer without any complications.

By the way, when I call it a rat killer, I am not exaggerating. My always truthful friend, Wikapedia says it all: Coumadin, that is also known as, "warfarin was first registered for use as a rodenticide in the US in 1948, and was immediately popular".

For more information on yours and my favorite rat killer, see the US Dept. of Health and Human Services information link: http://www.ahrq.gov/consumer/coumadin.htm

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Finally....



OK so I have to finish my "homework" from the therapist....but first I have a question. Should people think you are crazy just because you see a therapist? I don't think so, I think that if one is fully aware that therapy could help with their self-esteem and improve themselves, or if a person thinks that they should see a therapist in the first place, then by definition they cannot be crazy, because a crazy person doesn't know they are crazy and would not know that they need help. Don't quote me on that "definition" though.


Anyhow, back to my homework:


h) What are some of the things you would like to stop doing. Smoking, craving too much chocolate, making excuses to not blog, and to not need someone else to be interested in me to make me feel good about myself. I think I have made some headway on some of these, but they still need work.

i) What are some of the things you would really like to get better at? Definitely to write more often and almost every day, to write about what is "really" bothering me, to again feel happy and know how awesome I am. I would also like to maybe have some kind of musical skill. I can't sing or really play any instrument. It would be awesome to learn something to make me more musically inclined.

j) What are some peak experiences that I have had? Hmmmmm. Graduating law school, passing the Bar exam, zip lining, kayaking and horseback riding on vacation.

k) What are some peak experiences that you would like to have? Mostly see above, minus the going to law school. I think I would like to take the VA Bar exam, and would like to do all three activities listed above. Hiking to the top of something awesome and looking out onto the world. Taking pictures that get hung on someone who is not in my families' wall. Oh and finish at least a half marathon, even if I have to walk it.

l) Are there some values you are struggling to establish? I think that not over indulging would be one. But there is a fine line between enjoying all of life and not over indulging in spirits and wonderfully decadent chocolate. Otherwise, I think I have pretty good values, I don't lie about me, obviously, it's all up here. I don't cheat, not even if a relationship, although I could write about a few "others" I know that could work on that value. But all and all, I think I am pretty virtuous.

m) What was one missed opportunity in life? Not establishing my career after law school. I got married and moved to Cali. Jobs in Cali were far from career builders, despite what I made from them, and they made me feel awful about myself.

n) What are some things you want to start doing now, at this point of your life? Not sure, maybe training for the half marathon and getting hold of some good photography books from my awesome friend Jen. That's probably the only thing I can start doing right now and afford to start doing at this point in my life. Why do things have to be so expensive?


Well,...that's it. I guess I found out some things I would like to do and continue doing, but I kind of knew these already. Ho hum...maybe I am crazy.

Monday, September 15, 2008

WOW!!! I am lazy.


I wish that my non-blogging-ness could be the result of the broken finger. But, No... It has to deal with my watching of all the new Fall Premieres. I am beginning to realize that I am totally a science geek. I think that is okay....at least I am realizing what kind of things that I like myself without having to only like the things that my significant or in my case, insignificant other likes.

FALL TV SHOWS that I am addicted to:
-Terminator: Sara Conner Chronicles (OK, so I like it when women get to kick ass too)
- Fringe (again, see above reason and add the creator of LOST)
- Bones (I am beginning to see a trend here)
- Heroes (haven't seen, but can't wait)
- The Office (speaks for itself)
- Eli Stone (liked this show, but maybe only because it was after LOST)
- Football, of course (I am a fantasy football person)
- Entourage (lots of eye candy and funny, funny lines)
- True Blood (VAMPIRES)
- Any show with dogs :)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Okay, So to continue....


The Blog that I have been overdo on continuing is from a "homework" assignment from my therapist. That's right, I see a therapist. Someone has to help me heal from this mess with the wasband and since his military health insurance is fitting the bill, I contend that getting as much therapy as possible, for free, is only "fitting".


Back to the assignment - The worksheet is entitled, "Exercises that can help with goal setting." Apparently, the therapist has not read my "Ready, Set, GOAL!!! " blog, or maybe she thinks I need more than 5 goals. But hey, I'll play along, it can only help.


The first portion of the exercise worksheet is to imagine your ideal 48 hours and "to picture in your fantasy-- smells, sounds, feelings, weather, etc." Crap, Crap, Crap. This is impossible. I can't even begin to see this. I know it would be a nice, 70 degree day where there are only the sound of nature. I want to say it is the beach, because everyone says that, but if you know me, you know that me and the beach, or rather the sun don't get along. Hmmm....I think Sydney would almost assuredly be there. She always makes me smile. And maybe even the Mollykins, she is always good to help brighten my mood. But where am I, don't know.... Maybe I should come back to this one, unless anyone else has any good ideas.
The next portion of the exercise worksheet has a list of questions. These may be easier. Let's see.
a. What is the happiest year or period in my life? Whoa. That is a big one. Maybe some time in my childhood. I'd say probably 8th grade when I had several very close girlfriends, whom I still have as close girlfriends. I don't remember why it was good though. I just remember feeling happy.
b. What things do you do well? Well, school. I do that well. That goes back to my original goals blog. I also listen to people well.
c. What was a turning point in your life? Hmmm. Recently or long ago? Probably the most significant turning point was realizing that I had a blood clotting condition that would affect almost everything that I ever do. Also the fact that I lived through the clot that could have killed me.
d. What has been the lowest point? Probably realizing that my marriage was in shambles and realizing that I probably should have never gotten married in the first place.
e. Was there an event that you demonstrated great courage? Now everything I have been writing has to deal with the clot suddenly, but it was/is a pretty significant part of my life. The event, although it seems kind of minor, took loads of courage for me, and it happened every day in the month, post clot. I had to give myself a shot of heparin in my stomach twice a day. Prior to this, I was afraid of needles and getting over that fear enough to administer the medication to myself, seemed something huge and very courageous for me.
f. Was there a time of heavy grief? That time has been now and since that "may day" really. I experienced some grief post clot, but have learned that the experience made me feel more lucky and thankful more than anything.
WOW--This is a long long post and I still have 8 more letters to go. I think I will continue the rest tomorrow. Until then....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Waiting....

I am crazy freaking impatient. Did you ever really know that about yourself? I am sitting at Shell's house waiting for her to get home from work and to bring her daughter in. And here she is....

One day, I will type more... I have to write more and actually have more to say. Later.

Monday, September 8, 2008

No....I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.

So, my parents are in town and have been for almost a week. I have been neglecting my therapeutic blogging because of their visit, although I could probably have really kept up and probably should have kept up with it while they've been here. But what are you going to do?

My parents decided to come visit me because of the sadness in my voice...or so I was told. But I really think that it was to come and hang out with my brother and I because they are lonely down there in their "Old Folks" retired neighborhood. Luckily, they have gotten a lot of things done for my brother's wedding while in town, so it has really been the best for everyone.

While here, to appease them I decided to attend the church that they like in the area called McLean Bible Church. I know some of you are groaning just thinking about it, but I thought, "What the heck." I could use something different to cheer me up. Here are my thoughts of the entire experience.

Upon first walking into the place, I was struck by how many young people, my age that were there. This I really did like, because I associate most church experiences with lots of older folks. When I walked into the door, I couldn't believe it. The place has a freakin cafeteria. That is crazy. Families were all nestled into the small tables, in the cafeteria like in the mall food court and I couldn't help thinking that maybe they were shopping for comfort. Maybe like me.

After finding our way to the sanctuary, or rather auditorium, I was floored by how big this places was. It was almost like a sports arena, but not in the round. I noticed how large the musical/orchestra area was and floored that a church, even one as big as this one, could have so many musically inclined folks. I have to tell you though, when the music started it was actually pretty good. Churchy, preachy music, but good and contemporary sounding, with a slight bit of holiness, oldies thrown in. I liked it.

Of course, then came the sermon. This is given by the guy on the radio who has the commercials that say, "Not a sermon, just a thought". Well, he actually sounds just like he does on the radio which was reassuring or disturbing, I don't know. I was happy with most of the message concerning being a holy person and sharing the word and such, but dissatisfied by it in the end. I was hoping that the MBC (as it is called) was not a closed church. A closed church is a church that preaches against homosexuality and says that God loves everyone, but that homosexuality is immoral.

This condemnation that the church made very clear disturbed me and confused me. In many ways this was an extremely contemporary church. They even had a freakin coffee bar for god's sake. Do the folks at MBC know what kind of hipster, open, poetically tragic people started the coffee bar phenomenon? I mean just watch, So I Married an Ax Murderer or Reality Bites. Anyhow, I was disappointed.

My initial observations of the church, although slightly hokey, seemed promising. But their positions regarding sexuality seem archaic and very un-modern. According to my good friend Wikapedia (always a very true source) many Christian churches have come to the conclusion that homosexuality is not immoral. These include liberal congregations within the United Church of Christ, the Episcopal Church in the United States of America, the Moravian Church, the Anglican Church of Canada, the Methodist Church of Great Britain, and Friends General Conference. My belief that one's sexuality can never be immoral is a fundamental belief that I cannot go back on.

So, I've decided to become Episcopalian,...if only I can wake up in time to make it there for a service. Or, I will use MBC to find a nice Christian boy to be my new boyfriend and then teach him the true ways of the world. I haven't decided which I will be doing yet.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Man, I miss the Office!



I am watching old re-runs on the Office. Man, I miss this show. But something I have found, is that those who have not worked in an office, cannot really appreciate the humor as much. Or maybe I am just pissed that they don't agree with my opinion of one of the greatest shows ever and therefore I am finding something rational to explain their obviously flawed thinking.


Who on earth cannot appreciate a stapler stuck inside of a jello mold?



(I had written a more thoughtful blog that somehow did not get saved. So, this lame blog that is basically an advertisement for the show, will have to satisfy my writing necessity for today.)

Monday, September 1, 2008

When does it start?

I was watching some old Sex and the City episodes to entertain myself this labor day and I began to think about one of the points that Charlotte from the show, made. She said that when you are in love with someone, it takes half the time that you were in love with the person to get over the person. But I have such a weird "break-up history". When does my countdown begin?

My wasband and I have now been separated for one year. Not separated in the legal sense, but it has been one year since we have lived together. A year ago, after his encouragement or rather his compelling me, I moved back to the east side to find employment, to be near my family and friends, and most importantly to allow him to be free from me so that he could study, study, study. Too bad he failed, failed, failed.

But anyhow, after I left him in Cali to live here in VA, we never really considered ourselves, legally separated, or maybe we should have, not sure. I only saw him on two separate occasions after I left Calif. Once for 3 days over Thanksgiving and another time for 48 hours over the New Year's eve and day. (oh and the day in May he drove here to say he did not want to be married anymore,.....but that is for another post) We talked on the phone nearly every day, before that date in May, when our legal separation began. But I wonder, does that whole year we lived on separate coasts count in Charlotte's rule? I am not sure.

I definitely don't miss, and yearn for him. But I do miss little things we shared like favorite movies and songs, and the idea that I had a future and a life together with someone. But I do not miss him. He is/was an ass. I do however, sometimes miss the old, little nice things he first did for me, but that was so long ago.

We were married for almost 4 years this November. 6 months of the 4 years he was deployed. 4 months over that time he was gone for training, and then the one year, this past year we were separated by the entire country, minus those few days we saw each other over the year. Do I say we were together for 3 years and have already gone through my one year, and need the other?

Seriously though, why am I using this absurd count down to mark the time when I will be heeled? I guess because, I am feeling so lonesome and depressed lately. This is funny because for like the first month or two after the May Day, I was almost completely fine. People kept complementing me on my strength. Now, I still feel strong enough that I have not felt the urge to attempt to drag myself back to him or even talk to him. I don't know where there sadness has come from. I feel miserable.

I think that because I crave structure as that Type A, logical thinking, person that I am, I want to believe in the rule that Charlotte came up with. But am I cheating for counting this whole year that has gone by, or can I count it. I can't decide. I can only decide, that I am in a happier, supposedly physical (the east coast), but not yet mental place than I was a year ago, and that possibly in another 9 months, I will begin to feel better.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Afternoon Naps = Awake at 1:30am

So after hanging with Coolleen this afternoon, I came home and took a two hour nap. Now, I am wide awake. Napping is awesome but sometimes leaves me in this state of awakeness. Or rather I'm awake because last night I was up until 3am.

Why do I do this to myself. Ohhh,...that's right, I'm still being self destructive. Oh well, at least I am honest with myself. But I feel like a freakin' college student. But it was a fun night.

Best thing about the broken finger is that I get to point my finger at everything. It's a great conversation starter. Or maybe I just feel like having an excuse to point at others and blame them. Worst thing about the broken finger is that it has taken like 10 minutes to write this little bit. Maybe I will get better at writing sans right index finger and become faster and faster.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Jumping Jacks = Broken Finger


Apparently, when I try to alter my exercise routine by doing a workout from SELF magazine, what do I do?? I break my finger. That's right, I broke my finger doing jumping jacks.
Okay so following the routine, I first jogged on my treadmill for 10 minutes, then I was to skip rope for 30 seconds, which I kind of did. I don't have a rope, but I jumped up and down like I was jumping rope.
So, my dog, Syd thought we were playing or something as I "fake skipped rope". She was like next to me and almost jumping on me. So I backed up a bit. Of course, when it came time to do the jumping jacks part of the exercise routine, I brought my arms up and legs out, but...BAMMMM. I hit my right hand, more precisely my right index finger on the hanging-from-the-ceiling, Tiffany-like lamp. Ouch!!
Like a trooper, I finished the exercise course, which was to repeat the same set. I even then did some ab exercises and weights. But dammit, my finger hurt. I did manage to ice it and took some Tylenol. Only the next morning, this morning, more swelling and bruising. SEE PIC. Only I could have hurt myself doing jumping jacks!
Well, its taken like 10 minutes to type this...it's hard to type with the brace on my index finger.
Example Typing: qiuyydyuyyyyyyyyyuijghjkgdh

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Oh Please!!!!!! (First Blog with Balls)

I had to send a message to the wasband to request info for my secret clearance package at work. They needed to know things like, my step-son's name, my mother-in-law and father-in-law's address, nationality status, etc. Let's stop first and think how strange it is that after I have been married to him for almost 4 years, I do not know this information.

Anyhow, I thought I would ask him this info straight up since I know that he knows what secret clearance's are and the like. He has one, for God's sake. Well, he just wrote back this cryptic message that he would not release any information to me and that he would only give info to the DoD, unless he was sure that the release of the info would not be subject to foreign collection.

OH PLEASE!!!!

Like he has any assets that I could take anyhow. Besides, I am a freakin lawyer,...if I wanted to find out this info to take some kind of property that I was entitled, than I could find out. If I couldn't find out myself through free public record, then someone who I paid to investigate could find out this freakin info. What a complete dildo head!

I mean PLEASE!!

Old or Young again


Since the wasband became the wasband, I have felt as if my life has changed in many ways. One such way is the need for spending excess time in those smoke-filled, bar stooled, drinking houses, watching everyone else getting hit on but you. Luckily this weekend, I got to experience such an experience for myself.

How exciting it is "getting" to be single again! I like the idea of getting to restart my life and find new things to do and meeting new people, but the whole, Bar/Dating scene, leaves something to be desired. All those reading this blog who have been recently married, or have "happy" marriages are all saying a "thank goodness I'm not there" under your breath. I know....I was you only a year or so ago.

But here I am, what do you do? As I wrote in one of my blogs last week, attempting to increase my self esteem is one of my main, Top Five, goals. I only hope that by increasing the self esteem, the thought of spending more weekends out among my fellow singles won't feel so daunting. This past weekend, after feeling incredibly fat, which reeked havoc on the self esteem (count them...two of my goals) and made me not want to be there the instant that I arrived.

So, again, what do you do....I played along because it was a very good friend's birthday, and I decided to drink myself happy. What do you know.....blueberry stoli vodka and diet coke, is the best drink ever!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Sick Days

I called out of work this morning. I hate having to explain why I can't come in. But most importantly I hate doing just about anything but sleeping, bathing or movie watching on those days I am too ill to go to work. I am not sure that I want to even write this blog, but there....I have written something. Now back to bed I think. Good Night. I hope to feel better tomorrow.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Power Boost


Can one really have too much caffeine? I know technically/physically you can, and it can be harmful for you, but doesn't the feeling of being highly motivated, although slightly shaky, just feel totally (toadly) incredible?


Truthfully,...last night I didn't get enough sleep at all because I kept thinking about the fact that I had to get up early to get the bagels for our Friday bagel club. That is the most incredibly dumb reason to not be able to sleep, but nonetheless, it is the truth.


So, hear I am with three Starbucks coffees under my belt and one diet soda. Its a bit difficult to concentrate at work now at 2:30, as you can imagine. At least I get to leave work early today. Yeah!! I love it when they shut down the servers and kick us out! It's like a snow day or something.


Only 6 more hours until Dark Knight in IMAX!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Ready, Set, GOAL!!!

So when you are faced with re-thinking about your life, a common practice to help in moving on is to come up with new goals. When I was married, I had certain goals that obviously don't apply, now that I am single. So, I have been thinking a lot about my new goals, or at least my new goals for right now.

#1 This is my most important, "right now" goal - lose weight and get in shape. If you read yesterday's blog, then you have a clear picture of what started me down my path on unhealthiness. Try, not being able to walk very well or far for several months. But that was awhile ago now, and I have to suck it up and press forward. No more complaining! This means changing my physical activity level as well as eating pattern. We will see how this goes, but it is for now my #1 Goal.

#2 Go back to school - I love school. The pressure of studying for a test, the gobs of reading, the new people you make and be-friend. I didn't realize how much I loved it, until after I'd been out for awhile, but I guess, you never really know how much you miss something until it's gone. (Ha!)

#3 Pay off credit cards - Pretty much self explanatory goal. I know how I got into the CC mess and I know how to get out. Seriously though, I am not a crazy impulse buyer or anything, but you try visiting your family, while having to fly two of you all the way across the country. Holidays, summers, and weddings were VERY expensive and have caused my bills to pile.

#4 Save Money - like most women coming out of a divorce, I will be left in a worse position than I was while married. But, on the up side, I am in a better financial and mental health position than I was before I was married. Regardless, I am thankful, that I will not be left in that bad of a position. It could have been tons and tons worse.

#5 Learn to like myself - I have always had a problem with this one. I think that though, with Goals #1 & #2, along the way, I will improve on this goal.

Hmmmmm....I think five goals is a pretty good start for someone trying to reflect on their life. I guess I will keep a running tab. Odds are the goals will change anyhow. We'll see