Come on and EAT YOUR CELERY, because you are making me feel fat!

So I have these two girlfriend who both had ended rather bad relationships in the last couple of years, and whose failed relationships were arguably almost as bad as my experience with the wasband. Although neither had been left on the side of a busy freeway, or forced to learn foreign languages, their experiences with their "ex-hole's" (new word sent to me by one of said friends), were definitely awful and are thankfully over.

Recently, both of these ladies have had the luck of finding truly wonderful men that treat them well and do almost "Edward-like" things for the ladies to show their affections. But both of these women are highly suspect of this nice behavior. One of them in particular is truly crazy with suspicions and self doubt and it seeps from every fiber of her being. Don't get me wrong, these women are not using these soulful celery, and they do show their appreciation and devotion, but what gives?

I mean seriously, I am no where near wishing for someone like the same for myself at this point in my life (although perhaps an imaginary one), but I want to tell both of these women to smile and enjoy themselves, but in much harsher language. I want to tell them to revel in the excitement of a new found person that cares about you and shows it. I want to tell them that some questionings are okay, but that if you doubt and wonder about every little thing, that you are not going to enjoy your happiness that you should be feeling and drowning in.

I want to tell these two friends and all the other ladies out there not believing in their happiness, to listen up! You best be happy for me! I want you to calm down and enjoy the fact that someone cares about you for me! Do it, so that I have some sort of proof that there are in fact "Edwardian" men out there, that may not sparkle or dazzle, but that actually act nice and show their feelings. Prove to me that I want to eat the freaking celery instead of the funnel cake. Until you do that, you are the reason that I gained too much weight! Okay, go it?