Redemption

So I haven't been writing as often as I would like to, despite the fact that I know its good for me. However, I have been exercising, so its all relative. My lack of writing is not due to my lack of time due to my new exercise regime, my busy new television watching schedule, my attendance of "couples" parties, or even my twilight obsession.

Just to prove, partially to myself, but also to those who care, whoever they may be, according to this "TOP" source, Times of the Internet, I am not not too obsessed with Twilight. Below, their list describes the Top 10 of the Twilight obsessed. They also describe that if you have 5 or more, than you are too obsessed. I think I don't truly fall under any of these references, or possibly, even stretching it, I may have like two. I will star those few I relate to and take solace in the fact that I am not "too obsessed". So HA!

10) You've memorized every line of the book series (Um.....no)
9) You refer to yourself as a "Twilight Scholar" (Nope)
8) Your screen name is a Twilight character's name (You've got to be kidding me)
7) You spend all day blogging about the movie (maybe like 10 minutes a week)
6) You are set to receive Twitter updates about "New Moon" * (no, but I do perform daily searches)
5) You think Catherine Hardwicke should be the next President of the United States (Wtf, come on)
4) You actually think you have a future with either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner (they are both, like 10, or 8)
3) You just know in your heart that vampires are real* (Sort of)
2) You're sure Twilight is non-fiction (uhh...no again)
1) You have your Google Alerts set to notify you anytime anyone in the world mentions Twilight even once. (nope, but like to look at Twilightlexicon daily).

If 5 or more of these statements apply to you, you may already be too far gone to help. If all 10 are applicable, all we can do is send some good vibes and hope for the best.

Another weekend...Another Party

Yup. Time to go back to the 'Dorf to celebrate a friend's bday. Time for more butterflies and uncomfortable silences, but as usual its not as bad as I think it will be. I am trying to concentrate on the after part, where I realize that I should not have been so nervous about a silly party.

Again, this party is one of those, with an older crowd and lots of married folks and couples. I am feeling more and more like how Carrie in Sex and the City explained in one episode that being the single friend among the couples, is a bit awkward. I seem to make all the pairs feel somewhat uncomfortable. It's like they don't know what kind of questions to ask me. And when I describe what I have been doing with myself, I can't help but think that they all think I am a bumbling alcoholic or pathetic couch potato.

Oh well, what can you do bout these things. I just have to feel like I have to do whatever I can to keep me happy and to better me. I just hope that all my married friends and friends who have coupled off can realize that I am the same person that they befriended in the first place and that I have more to offer than silly single girl stories. And they better except my ridiculous obsession with vampires and young adult fiction.

Excuses

Okay seriously, in the evening when I get home from work, I tend to get right back onto my computer after I have been on it all day. I look up the weather, I read Facebook crap, I search about who might be playing Jane, and I look for more interviews from Spunk Ransom, where he talks about how cats die and how he felt accomplished for trimming his toe nails. My use of the computer is quite random, meaningless, and slightly embarrassing. But it has also kept me from writing my blogs.

Not writing my blogs, makes me less in touch with myself and many of my far away "Readers". My blog writing generally makes me feel good about myself. So with all of my random computing and Internet clicking, why do I not take the time to write up something? Seriously, my eyes have begun burning and watering when my Internet surfing turns into my mad, unsatisfied clicking, late into the evening and the thought of writing only makes them burn more.

I wish I could say that I was looking up things on the Internet that seemed worthwhile or interesting, like porn or recipes. But nope, its just become another one of my endless distractions to entertain myself. Well, I have to get back to writing more regularly even if it means that the eyes burn. I have to get back to exercising and possibly beginning school, like I said that I wanted to do so many months ago when I described my goals. Agghhhhh!!

Maybe I am being too hard on myself, but I don't think so. I think I am beginning to get too distracted by my mindless distractions, to deal with my life and the things I need to take care of. I need some kind of plan. That,...or new goals. Who knows.....

Come on and EAT YOUR CELERY, because you are making me feel fat!

So I have these two girlfriend who both had ended rather bad relationships in the last couple of years, and whose failed relationships were arguably almost as bad as my experience with the wasband. Although neither had been left on the side of a busy freeway, or forced to learn foreign languages, their experiences with their "ex-hole's" (new word sent to me by one of said friends), were definitely awful and are thankfully over.

Recently, both of these ladies have had the luck of finding truly wonderful men that treat them well and do almost "Edward-like" things for the ladies to show their affections. But both of these women are highly suspect of this nice behavior. One of them in particular is truly crazy with suspicions and self doubt and it seeps from every fiber of her being. Don't get me wrong, these women are not using these soulful celery, and they do show their appreciation and devotion, but what gives?

I mean seriously, I am no where near wishing for someone like the same for myself at this point in my life (although perhaps an imaginary one), but I want to tell both of these women to smile and enjoy themselves, but in much harsher language. I want to tell them to revel in the excitement of a new found person that cares about you and shows it. I want to tell them that some questionings are okay, but that if you doubt and wonder about every little thing, that you are not going to enjoy your happiness that you should be feeling and drowning in.

I want to tell these two friends and all the other ladies out there not believing in their happiness, to listen up! You best be happy for me! I want you to calm down and enjoy the fact that someone cares about you for me! Do it, so that I have some sort of proof that there are in fact "Edwardian" men out there, that may not sparkle or dazzle, but that actually act nice and show their feelings. Prove to me that I want to eat the freaking celery instead of the funnel cake. Until you do that, you are the reason that I gained too much weight! Okay, go it?

I have no idea how to juggle!!!

So the party of course turned out to be toadly awesome as I knew it would. All Myrna parties are awesome!! Makes me wonder why I worried at all. I am just a big ball of worry sometimes. But anyhow, just wanted to warn anyone who enjoys playing Cranium.

If you end up being the puppeteer and you have to manipulate your "puppet" person, in order to make them appear to juggle, please please please be sure to know what juggling looks like. I failed miserably at this, and made it look like the person was milking a cow or something. I am not sure I will live it down, at least for awhile.

Note to self - make sure you know how to juggle before going to next game night. Milking a cow does not look like juggling!

Butterflies and Happiness

So I am getting ready to go to my friend's game night party. I already know that I am going to be late, but I have been thinking about it all day. This has been one of those lazy Saturdays, where it's been raining all day and I have done nothing but compute and watch old movies.

Why am I going to be late? I think it's because I have been feeling nervous about the party all day, even though there is absolutely no reason for this. I should be and kind of do I feel like a child again, awaiting the excitement of a friend's birthday party, but with alcohol. And I know for a fact that I will have load of fun, as I have always had an awesome time at any event sponsored by Myrna. But still the butterflies....

Oh well, talk to me in about an hour when the alcohol has drowned the butterflies and replaced them with some kind of lurid happiness. There will be laughter, fun, and games, but please don't let there be pictures. The last thing I need is pictures.

Obsessions

I've decided to just embrace them and continue acting like an 18-year-old that is in love with love. It's a little crazy, but it seems to be working for me at this point. It has distracted me from feeling lonely and isn't that what all good "entertainment" is supposed to do?

Despite getting that gooshy feeling of loving-ness from being a Twihard, I have also remembered a past obsession with Titanic. Maybe its just things that begin with the letter "T". Who knows...but speaking of things with T. I think that the same thoughts that I had at the beginning of my rekindling with "T" or wasband, were brought on by the same obsession with love. I am not sure there was real, honest love there, maybe just the idea of being in love with love was there.

As I had read the Twilight books, and as I remember my obsession with the Titanic, I think how, I became intoxicated by all the loving letters, the loving expressions, thoughts, presents, etc., that were once presented to me by said, wasband. It was an amazing, thrilling experience to feel so love and wanted by him in the beginning and to have all of things to show for it (Oh, I guess another thing I would have not likely had without the marriage to him, that I could be "thankful" for). But, as you know, look what all those things and promises have got me now. Young Adult fiction.

Looking over the beginning "happy" periods of our "romance" it is easy to see that we were both a little too into being in love with love rather than being in love with one another. The first drunken fight that we had not even a month after his return, should have been more proof of that. (NEED to discuss this at some point I think).Well, that and the fact that he stopped sending me love letters and expected me to learn Arabic.

Okay, need to learn other obsessions! Oh and I get to revert back to my LOST obsession that is less than two weeks away! Woo hoooooooo!

Why?

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother....I keep forgetting to blog at night and then keep putting it off. I guess its like exercise, I just have to get back in the habit and then I will keep it up longer. Speaking of which, I need to figure a way to jump start into my exercise routine.

How do you motivate yourself back into burning calories? It doesn't help that I was out sick Tuesday, its been really cold, and I am still having difficulty breathing, due to the congested chest. If only I could somehow turn my Twilight obsession, or even my LOST obsession into an exercise obsession. Ho hummm. Guess, I should start some research or something on that. Not nearly as fun though.

Well, It's About Time!

So, yeah I have been out of the picture for quite awhile. There are many reasons for my absence, among them the three week period I went without having the Internet at my new apartment, holiday outings and events, not wanting to think about the things that I should be writing about, and....well, something I am a bit embarrassed to admit, despite the fact that according to the Washington Post article above, I am one of those who are "IN", for 2009, as a self professed TWIHARD. So what is this that has me so captivated? It is my young adult-like, 18 year-old obsession, of a 31 year-old, The Twilight Series.

Okay, so I have always been a Harry Potter fan, and I always like to see the kid movies, like the Chronicles of Narnia, the Golden Compass, Christmas cartoons, and the like, but what is wrong with me?

I have done some clicking around on the Internet, feeding my new obsession, discovering some rather hilarious anti-Twilight tee-shirts, while trying to understand my drug. The funniest tee-shirt I have seen, had a slogan stating something like,"TWILIGHT - making Disney's fantasized relationships more real everyday." And alright, I totally agree, but what on earth is it that I am finding in this strange Twilight heroin?

I have thought about this long and hard over my lapse of blogging and I can only think that the idea of having someone become your one and only, is something I think that I am still looking for. Or that, the idea of choosing to become something indestructible and magical, while spending the rest of your life with the one you love, seems just so fascinating. But, when I think about it, and as I have written before in the past, I genuinely like Sci-Fi stories and have enjoyed other Vampire shows (like True Blood, the other vampire obsession).

I think it comes down to the fact that involving myself in anything that distracts me from my own boring, sad, often lonely life, that I am trying to still adjust to, is just plain, right up my alley. Well, that... and I like biting people.